P for Papercut.

Sometimes, i felt nothing, i heard nothing, i see nothing, but i can imagine something. It is an ordinary or even routine task for my brain.

Sometimes, i felt that... even im not thinking anything, i would spend the whole day thinking that blank thing.

Sometimes, Im really ok, even my brain is working well, but then my instinct told me that "this is not ok la..."

Sometimes, little changes of yourself may change the whole thing within yourself. It can be good or even bad.

Sometimes, what i wrote here is eventually all bullshit. Because, i know myself more than you do. Because of this, I need to take care myself well before others.

Anyway, this is just my recent thoughts. Nothing to specify much, just that felt a bit confused,anxious,worry bla bla bla...

I wrote this entry now while my brain thinks nothing. But still the wording still came out from my heart but not my brain. Sometimes i felt kinda tired, not because of physically stress but also mentality stress. Im a worker or even follower and i wont be easily stress out, but if you wanna me think this think that, i would surrender... is it my brain spoiled jor???

Everyone in this earth owns their 24 hours time per day, fully utilized without wasting it surely make you a great day. But then...i wondered how much time ive used to make myself more and more??? Something called 'Laziness' found me and followed me, I want to leave it, but...bla bla bla...

I wore a watch lately, just a reminder for myself that time is precious and do let myself be in time for every event or activity but not on time. Watch is sometimes like a pulse, secondary artificial pulse that make you have the sense of time. Although im not having an expensive well known watch but my watch which is analog, "ticks, ticks, ticks," every moment every single minute while in a silent atmosphere makes me think of time still goes by, even you are doing something or even nothing. Watch helps you watch the time, watch helps you lots of things. Watch helps you watch the furious of the rate of the time flow. So, do not underestimate the existence of analog watch ^^ (hmm...this is what i think using my brain...)

I got a story, perhaps next time, i will be here again...so tata~^^

Many people won a situation by mastering self courage and opponent's. Ive been brave today but seemed it isnt what i think about, it is not that easy, instead it is a just a beginning.

"No doubt that i will be able to do that." This quotient remained on my mind since that incident, made myself knew something about courage that will bring out something expected or even unexpected. If u can do it with bravery, of course you can change the consequences. But sometimes, it wont result something you really want.

14/2 seems a special day, since i have lots of surprise even a surprise from myself. It took me several days worrying something on that day even i knew that nothing might happen as well. But then before that day ended, ive put my guts at all cost and made something unexpected. Yeap, ive done it, i felt relief a lot... felt much better than before, maybe the best feeling ever gained... but after a few days oh my... something really unexpected turn out to be my main anxiety...

Even then, i can feel the indifferent atmosphere from her. Seems to be an ignorance, seems to be an avoid, seems to be dislike, and even seems like "better-dont's ". I dont know what to do sometimes, yeap i admit my egoism, but ive tried not to show it so often already. Hmm..perhaps something happened??? I dont know, suddenly i felt that my previous action was totally useless and the worse, causing someone unhappy...i dont know the main reason, but im sure that it is not a good feeling. I admit that i really dislike this kind of feeling, well...this is relationship, if you cant feel it, you arent human.

Ive tried hard to communicate well, but seems a thick wall with a huge gap between us. Oh my... Its been a hard time only for me? I dont know... but sometimes i will find something to get rid of that problem. What can i do now??? Who knows what happened actually??? I hope god knows, and also do bring me some happiness as well... what i want is just a little care, is that really that hard???

Anyway, struggling within myself every moment thinking this and that, dont know what happen actually and also just hope everything will go find, and still im seeking a good way to break the gap, hope i will be ok with it ^^

Time's up...time to go, good day^^

Oh my oh my…its been a busy week, till I had to skip my class to do PAP stuffs. Although my unit had already done the job given in the early time, but then we also have to help other units to complete certain tasks. Indeed it was hard then, really exhausted but sometimes I don't have nothing to do till I was so bored. But anyway I still present whenever I was called up to help out.

Launching day, it was Monday, a special day for us who involved in PAP 09 because it would be the 1^st day of the carnival of PAP. That day actually nothing much I could help there but still it was fun and I actually had my name written by a calligraphy shifu, and met some friends, really fun and I could intro my friends about PAP and also what would be going on for the few days onwards.

The days after PAP launching day were the important PAP roadshow held in every Kampung which would promote the PAP event on Saturday night and also trying to give out more goodies and information to students. Actually, the road shows were kinda bored, firstly it was held at Kg. E but I dint show up there but I went to road shows at I.P. , Kg. CD & AB. I most enjoyed the road shows at Kg. AB, why leh? Because I could meet my roommates and also friends from same faculty. And moreover I joint my PAP friends and had fun there. Oh my…we had lots of fun time there till we won many prizes haha…

Actually the most exhausting moments were the time when PAP night getting nearer. We have to stay whole day in the Chancellor Hall to help other units as well as a multipurpose helper. Friday was tough, but then Saturday also tough as well, but we still got time to relax and watch them rehearse the whole performance ^^. So, overall it wasn't that bad enough for us huhu…^^

The day has come, Saturday (17/1) and we all were busy to finalize our tasks, but weirdo, my unit was the most relax till don't know what to do next. But then… we managed to escape from the hall and hang out at 1B hehe… what did the guys suggest there??? They said wanna have high tea, ohh…actually they wanna give me a bday surprise… hoho&^^ I was so surprise that moment till speechless. Oh my…” thank you all..” this was what I said, lame la me >.<# After that we back to UMS again and it should be time to kickstart the extravaganza night^^

To my surprise, I would be distributing PAP booklets, oh my, I was so glad Ive given that opportunity. And also, the crowd were so long queue till there were 3000+ audiences attended that night. It was an astonish night, full with people, herds of people soaring to uplift the Chinese new year atmosphere, it was so superb till the claps from audience could actually beat down the PA system LOLz…

The night was full of surprise to audience but not to me since I know more or less about the performance keke… But seems audience wouldn't like to stay till midnight and many of them preferred to bed earlier, so before the night officially declared end, audience who lost patience would prefer to go to bed, and this wasn't a good sign after all but then the night was a successful night for all of us ^^

Mad moment had come, the PAP night was over then we had lots lots of pics. To my surprise my bday was the day after the night, a bunch of ‘siao kia’ who same unit with me, countdown the great moment and sang a bday song for me, and I was so surprise and they did it especially on the backstage and everyone knew that I was the one who bday XD oh my…another great moment to me T.T thanks to those ‘siao kia’ once again huhu…

Hmm…that's for all for the whole busy week, and also it was a great moment being with friends at that moment, so… just enjoy the great uni life and also say ‘yes’ to certain things might change the consequence of certain circumstance. So…great day ya^^

Woosh...now i felt relief since ive done my job, partially...at least its my duty to do so, and also something that i wanted to finish it as soon as possible, and today 630am, Ive completed it, and what surprised me... Ive redo all the things that ive done previously...swt~ =.="

20,21 of dec 2008 were special day to me since 2 days which are 48 hours, i actually took 6 hours to sleep only...which i became an owl, slept during day time, and working at night time. It was obvious that I have some 'mission impossible' to be done. On the 20 of Dec, in the night time before i was going to bed around 11pm, suddenly i was told on phone line that I need to redo something that bothered me, the booklet, which i submitted past few days ago, but who knew, i have to redo again...woosh~ bo huat la...redo mah redo lo... and also I have to work nightshift and also day shift -.-" again...

That night I worked till 230am then by that time I was totally steamed already, and unable to continue so I went to bed since around 4am later I have to fetch a friend of mine who came back from KL, so I have to get more rest~ So phone rang later, and I was alarmed to wake up to fly to the terminal bus to pick up my friend, then later went for damn early breakfast, then back to home sweet home at 615am. 730am, a nice figure which tells me later i have to join hiking with my friend,~WTF~ i was totally exhausted already, and i have no choice but to move on, although i was tired... >.<# but anyway tough moment hiked to the dam, and damn...i was so exhausted even i could hiked while my eyes were 'semi close'. SO steam that moment, i really wish i could stop my steps and slow down my pace...and just call Ahmad mai sini ambil saya pi makan kemudian balik tidur aja la... mana tau~ Damn..i dont like doin things half way cabut,so I continue hiked although we took the wrong way XP and nvm nvm~ continue again...then WOOSH~!!! we reached the damn already, first thing came in my mind~ "wahlay...this is so astonishing...the view is damn great!!!" I was so excited since my vine was full of excitement hemoglobin, and the tiredness WAS GONE!!! LOLz~ nice view RULEZ!!!

and then we enjoyed the view over there and later we went down to town to take our brunch. Then rode my motor went home, after a shower and surfed some nets, what next?! -sleep lu...and slept till 3pm, I followed my parents to 'huan2 tai4 sui4'. Then later 430pm went back to home and continue my booklet thingys. And time goes by...I was slowly inspired by something, and had the idea to do the design, I was so regenerated and also my vain was full with some odd ideas then i managed to design a great border that i wanted it to be. WOOSH~ finally I completed it, ^^ and also...still left the cover design yet to be done later or else...die~

Then later night around 1am after went supper with a bunch of siao kia, then start working on my booklet cover design. I started to find it easy to make edit on it, who knows...design mana ada senang mia la... and i have to redo all the things, and guess what , I was doing a completely new cover design and this one page cover design took me whole night till 6am to complete it. It wasnt tough though... but it was so time consuming, luckily my PSCS3 dint hang at all...thank god~or else im gonna TL it...and hard time...and hard time...keep thinking and thinking and try to work out the new & fresh thingys...and luckily i got another partner who is a great helper who shares the burden with me, or else im gonna commit suicide, with a knife, stabbed into my abdomen a few times then consume some C4 blow myself...lolx~ really tough la actually...anyway now felt relief alot ad...since I have achieved something that i wouldnt expect to be happened. And im really satisfied with the effort i put in, and hope my effort will be paid off. And now realize that doing something, really need time management la, or else, keep doing it...can die also one la...

anyway this is just my personal thinking, just felt that this is a great moment to jot down my feelings, so...the same old word~ GOOD DAY then ~^^

It was a tough day for me, although I didn't work so hard for the sake of the football competition as I wasn't contributing anything to my team and also for the game. In the beginning of the day, it has been shown that today would be a tough day for us, especially for us to play the outdoor game. So, no doubt that we would be playing under the rainy condition and yet won’t be postponed. So, I just went to the field where the competition held and everyone was there and I just do it – play it.

So, the game started with my team consisted 5 persons in the game and a substitute. So, the first match was kinda made me irritate but still good, because I was chosen to be the goal keeper. I wasn't said I dint want to be it since all my team mates refused to be, but it was still fine for me in the first match. But in the second match, I was chosen again although ive talked to my team leader said I wish to have a keeper rotation among us. But then, he told me to wait, wait and wait. And very sucks, I couldn't do well in keeping the ball well from entering to the net. LOLz…funny ya…so ive talked to him also, but then still no point. So the second match was rather made me disappointing although my team scored but still lost the match. But then, I rather be the substitute one, and let them played it. THEN… the leader had no choice but becoming the goal keeper. LOLz… but pathetic, our team wasn't managed to enter the semis. So I was quite disappointed and just could stand there seeing others playing the game and washed by the cold breeze droplets from the gloomy dark sky.

And still the rain last for whole day. It even started from 4am till the midnight 1am. And still tomorrow … The sky has been covered by the white colored Grey shady clouds which shorten my vision causing me couldn't see through over the other side of the mountains. And yet, gloomy day causing lack of sun ray which caused laziness among us and yet, coolly breathe made us so moody and still procrastinate in everything. In fact, sometimes I like this kind of weather but when it lasted long, it became irritating since what I wish to do unable to complete in time. Perhaps not the weather caused me so lazy in everything, but its my old fart attitude – procrastination. In my mind has bunch of things waited to be accomplished, but then I was so pampered in everything that I didn't want to complete them and just let it be. Perhaps I was so exhausted in doing all those stuffs, maybe the things that I wish not to complete is the things I think is “additional work” and yet no one would care it much and keep pushing me to do all those works. So, sometimes I would rather let it be until I have the motivation to move and complete those works.

Hmm…ive been scraped lots but then I was quite miserable now since my exam is around in the corner and yet haven’t prepared yet and still have other things to do. Seems that I need to have the courage to burden and to take it as my responsibility and not to avoid the fact. Although I like to run, run to the finishing point and complete the course but have you ever wondered, during the race and stop it, turn around and see how far have you gone and what route have you taken. Not to run the wrong route and take the route that you believe that will bring you no harm and others, and then we can conclude that, you’ve taken the right road. So, turn around again and continue running, and im sure that you will have win win situation.

Omg, seems that I continue to crap also LOLz…anyway this is what I though now and my thinking that lasted for many days and I think its quite irritate having it in my heart. So I just write it out so that I would be one of my thought written and be a small story to everyone. So, sometimes just stop and stare…this is a method of success… good day then. ^^

It has been a gloomy day since the heavy downpour started from early morning till the afternoon. Today was quite a tough day for me as I would have to attend 3 classes not continuously but it took my whole day just for some lessons. In the morning, I was told to go to see my course lecturer in the morning. I was glad that I could wake up early in the morning, but somehow, it rained…just small rain, not heavy yet. So I went for breakfast then went to see him. Not a while, heavier downpour began and the weather really made me sick as it made my jean, sneaker, and laptop bag wet. It wasn't a big deal after all since I would go to library after the meeting. Who knows… I was unable to enter to the library, again…I’ve failed my plan… In such situation, I really had no idea and just went to my room.

Here the story started, a great day started with a great morning, but so unfortunately it rained and it also made me so lazy to move around. I was thinking, “since it was rain, there was no need to go for that class since it was just a bored lesson”. That kind of thinking really bear in my mind at that moment. And what was most interesting was, if you found someone who had the same thinking as you, you might feel that your action and what you were going to do next was totally right and relevant. Indeed, it was just a surface of a certain problem… Once your thoughts were being supported by others then you would have the will to continue and had a great determination to do it. But what I was done just now…it was wrong.

Somehow, that moment I was enjoying watching “The Dark Knight”… at first I was thinking and noticing the clock beside me, saw the time flowed every single second, and I was still sitting here enjoying a great movie. When watching till the last part of the movie, the movie gave me a great reminder- Everything done was in every person’s hand, what you did, you would get what consequence. That time…I kinda regret a bit…since I made a wrong choice and option again… It wouldn't be like that… but somehow, now…I was kinda hectic and miserable since I have so many things to handle including my ERP assignment and oral presentation, PAP things, and also competency math. The time I dint go to the lesson was the time I practicing my math for my coming test. Hopefully it helped, but somehow, I dint agree my steps that ive taken.

Everytime I saw my “intro to mechanical” book, I was thinking.. “I was so fond to choose it, and have a great will to own it, till that I chose it as my first choice as my enrollment to varsities. But now… my determination seems… decrease… and I don't have to will to continue it………..” I keep thinking why… it is not because of the school but it is myself who merely forgot what is my target and what I should be strive for. Nothing else is more important than my course that ive chosen. But many times, even we got the time, we will be influenced by surroundings, and the time isn’t your time after all. And I started become busier and busier… for group assignment discussion, and other meeting as well…or even the ultimate greatly obstacle- Procrastination. Even I have plan my time much, but seems that little bit of delay may cause everything changes. Even a good consequence or a bad one.

Sometimes, it is a wise thought for you to have your own time alone thinking what you’ve done and what you’ve caused. The imperfective of something, and the prefecture of something that you have done. What you’ve become and the surroundings you’ve created. Everything is in your hand just what you’re going to do with your hand, your hand still remain as a hand but what your hand cause will not always follows as your wish or thoughts.

So that's my thoughts for today, although it just my word from heart. Hmm… do stop a while looking around while walking…you might have something different in your mind…

Today(17-08-08) supposed to be a memorable day for us as we came from the same school would go for a school carnival which is a reunion for all the ex-my-school mates came from all over the globe just for a few days trip and dinner. And today it was the time for me to show up and help them out, as we knew we needed to do that the days before... So what made this interesting wasnt the help out but something that appropriate with 'options'.

One thing will bear in your mind, if you are given options to do something, or whatever... how do you make your choice according to your rational and logical thinking??? Ok...dont let me bullshit here, here's the situation looked like...

Morning 7am i went for duty..just to bring the old folks go to a jetty thats all, and it came to an end where we were given break time and could have FREEDOM!!! (this is what im waiting for keke). The next steps in my mind was- lets go shopping at town. And we could make that with me and my friends went to town shooping with cars. But after that I received a call that we needed to return the car in time due to early depart to our next destination. But then before heading back to meet them, we were so bird~ that we went back to 'a place' after that head to meet them. OK, actually before reaching the "place" i was wondering if i want to stay at that place or just followed my friend. Ok, if i chose to stay back at that place, that night i could watch the badminton finals whom malaysian player would be the star of the match and i wouldnt like to miss it. But if i follow my friend, i would predict we would be so bored and tired. SO , if for you what would you do??? Finally i hesitate for quite sometime, i have made choice to follow my friends not because i wanna challenge myself to fight for the boredom or just to go for "siok"...just because i dint want to leave them and i knew that if i abandoned them, i would be the "jackass" la...anyway i just followed them...kinda weird, i felt like i wont be alone instead i got bunch of friends...and din think much about the badminton silly match...( and luckily i din watch it coz malaysia kinda hectic for that match XP)

and later night WE WERE SO LUCKY that we could join the dinner with the old seniors and we had much fun keke...the food was F*ckin SUPERB...like im back to Penang enjoy the great food...and later night again, we were so exhausted and hectic for the arrangement of the transportation for the old seniors to head back to hotel...anyway its still a small matter. And what important was...i enjoyed myself, and i wasnt regret on what choice i made just not only for my own good, but needed to consider ppl's good also...so that decision is a wise decision than a good decision for you and all ^^

Its morning over here (1023am) and my brain was so empty coz i just woke up at 830am keke...and just like to jot down something interesting here ^^ anyway good day...and enjoy the great moment in your life ^^